What If
by Winds of Water
Summary: Edward contemplates what is, and what could have been while standing alone on a beach in Europe. Oneshot. Ed/Roy, and a lot more angst than romance.


So I decided I couldn't restrain the urge any longer to write this. I tried my best to convey the sadness based on the lyrics of the song. Yes, this was written based on song lyrics. A very beautiful, and hauntingly sad song that in my mind suits Edward perfectly as he'd separated from Roy. So after you read this, or before, or during, you should probably listen to the song. Yes?

Everyone get out your Googler, What If by Kate Winslet. Yes, the actress, and her voice is beautiful. The music itself in the song can carry the story on its own.

Thanks for reading, and listening!

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What If

Edward stood solemnly overlooking the ocean as it rushed up to the sand at his boots. The sunset glowed orange and red, painting the darkening ocean with the light. The sparkle on the surface of the waves danced in his eyes as he watched, but did not watch. His golden eyes were gazing at something only he could see. An image more comforting than the sight of the ocean at sunset, and yet heart wrenching despite the comfort it lent him.

It felt as if the pressure of the fathoms deep ocean rested in his heart. Perhaps that was why he frequented visits here. Like a cruel temptress it called him back each sunset to watch and feel the weight. The weight of more than just a life here. But the weight of that life which he'd left behind.

The image continued to dance in front of his eyes like a slow motion scene in the silent films he'd been asked to act in. It never failed to appear, here, in his dreams, everywhere and anywhere he went. It danced before him, always out of reach, but never did he want it to end.

The image conjured up those memories of long ago. Starting from the very beginning on that fateful stormy night where the object of his sunset visions had first appeared. Those black clouds and unforgiving rain should have been a forecast for the rest of his life. Yet despite the ominous rumblings of thunder, and strikes of unforgiving lightning, a ray of sunlight had shone through that darkness to give him hope again. It was to be the pattern of his life, to be followed by those clouds, yet to encounter that sunshine that would raise him back up again.

Yet his ray of sunshine had fractured somewhere in its steady beam. Become broken with hints of shadows that flitted behind the otherwise indomitable spirit. He longed to know what it was that had caused that waver, for it tugged at his heart strings as if he personally had something to do with it.

He'd once tried to understand his ray of sunshine, his guiding light, and he thought he had. But he was wrong. There were still hidden layers of light waiting to be explored. He'd wanted to explore them. He wanted to understand.

But time had been an enemy to him from the very beginning, and time had torn him from his light. He'd been forced away by duty, by bad timing, by oversight. He'd chosen a path, and it was a path where the ray of sunshine that had been his salvation time and time again could only dance beyond his reach.

His mind was not sated, not yet accepting of his fate. Again and again the questions plagued him as he stared into the distance at the image only he could see.

Edward bowed his head, golden eyes to rival the sun itself shutting of their own accord, and the sun bleached blonde hair cascading around his face. The ocean breeze toyed with the unbound strands of hair, the tie that had once always held them bound now gone.

Turning from where he'd stood, Edward began to walk along the beach slowly. He'd been faced with many crossroads in his life. They'd led him across worlds, across oceans, to friendship and betrayal. He'd never doubted a path he'd chosen once he'd chose it. Yet what good had this path done him? He was lost.

He'd heard those bedtime stories, about going back in time. Here, people joked about going back to the time where great beasts called dinosaurs roamed the continents. For Edward, time need not be turned back that far if it were to be turned back at all. If he could, if by any chance, he were able to go back to the beginning. Back to that fateful stormy night, what would happen? If changes had been made, if he'd done things differently, if they both had, what would have become of them? The now fallen hero and his guiding light?

He wondered if he was not the only one who dwelled on such superficially comforting thoughts. For he knew that logically, time travel was not possible. Yet… he wondered still. Was he not the only one who wondered how things would have been, how they could have been?

He had never been a god fearing man, always an atheist. Yet he could not say the same for the object of his constant thoughts. Were unheard prayers being sent out, prayers that wished that he, Edward, had not chosen the path he had? A path that had led to heartache… for them both?

Edward stopped in his tracks, quickly lifting his head to gaze out at the ocean. No longer bathed in the colors of the sunset, it was becoming black as night fell, and dotted with silver from the pale moonlight that crested the horizon.

If it were ever possible, prayers to be answered, turning back time to try and change time itself, if he changed to try and right the wrongs. If he changed to make it so they'd never had to part forever, would he have been accepted back in the way his heart ached for? In the way his dreams presented to him?

His last crossroads had led him down the wrong path. He'd burned a bridge and drawn a line that could not be erased. Yet, the image still danced out there on the midnight blue ocean, and the questions still echoed. He knew them all by heart now, he'd known them for years, and he whispered them aloud now without a pause in thought such was his familiarity.

"What if I had never let you go? Would you be the man I used to know? What if I had never walked away, because I still love you more than I can say. If I'd stayed, if you'd tried. If we could only turn back time… but… I guess we'll never know."

As the last words fled his lips in a voice of years long restrained tears, Edward turned to walk back towards his car, the words, "I still love you, Roy," echoing on the cool ocean breeze.


End file.
